Growth

Growth is a strange thing. Sometimes it comes in forms that look good and display beauty in a person. You can see more joy more peace more whatever. Sometimes however it comes in being more tough skinned and stronger, more assertive. That doesn't "look" pretty but it turns into good.

I know this last couple years have been a real growth spurt for me. Its been the "ugly" kind though. I'm more able to speak up for myself and more willing to be honest with people when I don't like the way I'm being treated. This is good except it has changed the way some people that are close to me see me. They don't like the change so I feel less acceptable to them even though I feel more acceptable to me.

I know I'll eventually "grow" into this but right now I don't really like it that much. I liked having peoples approval and pats on the back. I don't like being told I am not doing things right or that I'm not being "christian" enough because I wont take crap. Seems unfair somehow since the very same people expect me to treat them the way I'd like to be treated.

I know ultimately its the Lord's approval I'm after and someday that will be enough for me. Working out my own salvation is pretty hard.