God blows me away

I have had such amazing things happen. The funny thing is I never even saw them happening til I saw the fruits of them.
I was having a really bad weekend. I was having the usual Christmas bad memory screens, my home health working company was causing me problems and on top of that I was missing Mike so bad it was insane. On Monday I kind of just came to the end of my rope and called a friend who prayed with me and encouraged me which I am so thankful to God for. I worked through it and thought to myself. Gee I thought I was improving and how did I back track so badly? I was reminded that we all stumble from time to time and not to keep looking back. God doesnt care so much about what we do as who we are. I always kinda knew that to a point but I am finally "getting" it and its like a rest I've never ever known before. So good and bad He wants both and loves me in them.
I could see how much i'd laid this down when my friend who knows Mike called me and said he'd ordered tickets for me but it was at a taping he was gonna do so there was no way I could go. What he was thinking I dont know but regardless I called my sister and asked her if she wanted them. She was so suprized that I would want her too but I told her "Your relationship with him has nothing to do with our relationship together".
I could not say that a couple months ago, even a month ago. God is so cool

Family is fun :/

So Im really trying to handle this separation well even though Im not feeling it and now my mother decides because she's having a hard time with the holidays she'll take it out on me.
Yesterday i was on the phone and I didnt know my cell phone was on "silent" so my sister called and couldnt get ahold of me. Of course she freaked out and told my mom and my mom comes over in a huff that she had to check on me cause I "wouldnt" answer my phone. Ok I can understand being frustrated at that but she said I gotta go and I said well can I have a hug first? She said of all things, "Do I have too?" Shes never said that to me
Ouch ouch and double ouch.
So anyways I try to work through it thinking shes human bla bla but it still stung so I spent alot of the morning crying so hard I had dry heaves.
I cannot wait til the holidays are over.

What an amazing day

My schedule got rearranged today because of some people that had different scheduled I needed to meet with so although I had a counseling appointment today, I couldn't go to NAMI group. Well I get to CW early for it and the group leader is still there and comes out to chat with me, asking me why I couldnt come to group and so on. So I told her and we start chit chatting and she tells me about this lady thats going through alot of the same things I've been going through with Mike and such. I didnt really think of it as more then conversation that goes on between NAMIAN's but then she walks of and nonchalantly mentions that they want me to be her peer counselor so I go "But Denise I havent even finished the consumer training" so she said I know but you have been making such progress and had such growth we really think you'd be good working with people even now. so I agreed to tell her to call me so we shall see but wow. It has to be only God that did that because I didnt even ask to be used right now Im just going to learn.
So anyways another neat thing that happened for me today is I've been missing the Christmas tradition of stockings because my mom had decided years ago that its too much of a bother for her so she didnt want to do that anymore so we all just went with it even though it was a missing piece.
My sister picked me up today and she goes "Do you want your early Christmas present today or tomorrow?" like Im gonna say tomorrow to a present, right. Lol Guess what it was :D a stocking fully loaded. I almost cried it meant so much to me. I guess because of the healing I'm still needing that was a part of God's hug for me. I really had a good day :)